Yes, that’s right. I broke down.
I was dreading writing this post. I didn’t want to tell anyone. I didn’t want to write it down and make it even more real. I thought that maybe I could just deny that it ever happened. But who am I kidding? As I am typing this, the pack is sitting right next to my computer.
Not only did I buy a pack, but I smoked all the cigarettes. And then I bought another pack.
Of course this all started with me bumming ONE single cigarette one night when I was drinking. All it takes is one. And then you think, oh I can smoke every once and a while. It won’t be as bad as before. And then it is as bad as before. About half way through the first pack I decided I had to get rid of the cigarettes. But instead of just throwing them out, I just smoked more to make them “disappear” faster. And then of course, I had to buy another pack.
I feel bad. I feel like I’m back at square one. But I have to remind myself that I was a non-smoker. I did it! So I can do it again. I’m stronger than this.
I have had some people tell me they are disappointed in me. I don’t need to hear that. I’m disappointed enough in myself and I don’t give a damn about your disappointment. I need your support, not your negativity. (This is a theme here, folks. Please focus on the positive. It does SO much more).
And so…. here we go again!