Quitting 2.0: Day Two

So I haven’t been posting because I relapsed. I have been smoking like “normal” for over a month and feeling horribly guilty about it the whole time. I didn’t want to be a smoker again, but it just happened and I couldn’t stop. I was constantly saying to myself “I can quit, I did it before….. maybe I’ll start tmrw.” But then tomorrow would come and I would have another pack of cigarettes in front of me.

Two days ago I smoked my last cigarette while sitting on a park bench and I made the decision to make it my last. I walked directly into a convenience store and bought nicotine gum.

Quitting feels harder this time around. I had the day off from work yesterday, so I locked myself in my apartment in order to protect myself from temptation and to protect others from my tobacco-deprivation rage. The first 24 hours are the worst. You constantly think about smoking and the anxiety about not smoking is super intense. There was a point last night when I was pacing around my apartment convinced that there was a cigarette somewhere that I had forgotten to smoke. I probably looked like a crazy person tearing through all my belongings, desperately trying to find that elusive cigarette. (I never found it… I think I made up the whole idea in my head). I painted my nails 3 times in order to keep myself busy. I tried to watch movies, but kept catching ones with people smoking in them (the worst!! Why is it so hard to watch people smoking in movies??). I went to bed at 10:30pm just to shut my brain off from thinking about smoking.

After experiencing a quit (and a good one! 4.5 months is nothing to ignore!) and then a relapse, I have made some realizations…

1. Stress and anxiety are the main excuses smokers use when explaining why they smoke. This is pure bullshit. Cigarette smoking actually causes stress and anxiety. Ever smoked the last cig in your pack and then immediately start planning when and where you can buy another one? Makes you anxious, right? Having a rough day at work and trying to figure out when you can sneak out for a smoke? Stressful!!

2. ANGER! Ok, I will admit that I have a temper (comes with the red hair). But my temper is a million times worse when I am a smoker. I snap at people constantly. During my 4.5 months of not smoking, I was WAY less angry. Why would I want to be angry all the time?!

3. Cigarette hangovers. I feel like a lot of smokers don’t even realize that this happens because it becomes a “normal” feeling. But going from not smoking to smoking again made it a lot more noticeable for me. Smoking makes me groggy in the mornings. I’m constantly tired and low on energy. And if I have an alcohol-induced hangover, smoking makes it worse! This is not a normal way to feel!!

4. Peace. When I was not smoking, I felt entirely more at peace with myself and everyone else around me. Now maybe this had to do with all the running, yoga, and woo-woo hippie meditation nonsense I was doing. But maybe not. I feel like it’s easier to see the world in a peaceful, happy way when you aren’t looking at it through cigarette smoke.

 

So after thinking about and realizing all these things, I am back on the quit. I am well into my second day without cigarettes and I am proud of myself. (And also extremely agitated. But chewing nicotine gum constantly is helping with that a little.)

Next step, restart the exercise and woo-woo hippie lifestyle I had a few months ago (and which I honestly loved!)

Smokers out there…. Anyone want to be my quitting buddy? Drop me a line!

Advertisements

About kellchris

I'm an artist and art therapy student. When I'm not painting or experimenting with ceramics, I'm usually hiking, cooking, or making the big bucks bartending. View all posts by kellchris

7 responses to “Quitting 2.0: Day Two

  • Bakari

    I feel you Kelly, we both quit at about the same and stuck with it for about the same time too. I’ve quit again and I think the best result is my sleep is drastically improved. That also means my energy levels are way better during the day, which makes me less stressed and edgy.

    Seeing people smoke still makes me want one sometimes – we can definitely be quitting buddies!

  • Sara

    I’m proud of you. You can be a quitter 2.0 🙂

  • Marilyn

    You know I am always in your corner…

  • dazza_d

    Hiya, I think what ur doing is great, a few years ago I stopped for over 6 months and felt great, I’ve been smoking for around 12 years I’m only 27 but I feel I don’t have the willpower anymore, I’m always tired and constantly falling asleep whenever I get a chance usually in the afternoons, I’d love to spend more time with my girlfriend and son but I’m always tired and so lazy, I can never be bothered to do anything, I really wannna stop but am really scared of putting on lots of weight.
    I think ur doing a good job, I suppose u have to take it each day as it comes, and after a few days they say it gets easier.
    I’m seriously thinking about quitting, I just want my life back, the ciggs are takin it over!!!

  • kellchris

    dazza_d,
    You can do it! I know a lot of people who don’t quit because they are afraid of weight gain. My advice is to have an exercise plan and a healthy diet plan in place when you quit. You really don’t need some crazy diet though, just eat healthy! Fruits, vegetables, fish, lots of water. Stay away from red meat and fried foods.
    I have found that once I quit smoking I want to make even more healthy changes in my life. Keep up the momentum and become he healthiest you can be!
    Set a date and keep the quit!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: